The Only Reason to Watch Football

Who's the Old Dude With the Ascot in the Half-time Show?

You know at least half of America asked, "Who the hell is that old dude in the Cuban heels and polka dot ascot lip synching the half-time show?"

Does anyone under 30 know who Tom Petty is? Isn't he like 100?

Today in Street Walking

Jessica Simpson passed me on Washington Street around noon today on her way to a Fashion Week event. At least I think it was Jessica, but her mouth was shut. If she had been about a foot taller, I would have guessed she was a trannie hooker.
UPDATE: All right, fine. She wasn't in NYC this weekend. It was too tall to be an Olsen, too attractive to be Chloe Sevigny, and too young and short to be Gwyneth. Must have been a trannie hooker after all.

Two blocks away, a bloated-looking Oliver Stone strolled along with another man.

The PETA people were outside the Donna Karan event holding "Bunny Butcher" signs. Has Barbra Streisand's best friend gone down market? You'd think Ms. K would butcher more expensive animals than bunnies.

Just Because

Jon Voight, Political Strategist

Jon Voight, the latest in irrelevant celebrities accompanying a presidential candidate on the campaign trail, had this to say about Rudy's failed strategy:

"There will be time to assess that after today. Maybe it should be assessed."

Coming up: Chuck Norris on a free market economy.

Just Sayin'

Liev Schreiber's self confidence might be a little low right now. Not much fun being in second place after a dead guy.

Celebrity Statistics

Reading that Art Garfunkel has read 1,023 books since 1968 in a recent New Yorker article made me think about other impressive celebrity stats.

This is the only one that came to mind:

Wilt Chamberlain's conquests: 20,000

My First Concert

At 13, I went to my first concert. Garden State Arts Center (Exit 116).

Headliner: Tom Jones.

Far more interesting was the opening act:

Gladys Knight and the Pips.

Tom's had a good life. He's been married since 1957 to the most understanding woman in the world. She ain't stupid, but you'd think she could afford a better hairdresser.

On My Speed Dial

or is it "speed-dial?" Anyway, here goes:

1) Peter Dinklage (come on now, you know why)
2) David Letterman
3) Mayor Mike
4) Amy Sedaris
5) Anderson Cooper

And even though Tom Cruise could save me, I don't want that crazy MoFo anywhere near me!

People I Despise

Not the little people, of course. But this one always strikes a chord - not sure why. Saw her on Houston St. today. The hair is a color not found in nature.