Subway Protocol Regarding Men in Black Ski Masks?

The man sitting across from me on the #1 train this morning had on a black ski mask. It covered his entire face except for his eyes. He had on a very big, puffy down jacket, and was carrying a backpack.

Did I mention that he was holding some sort of electrical device in his hand?

My mind wandered:

What exactly is the protocol when you're sitting across from a terrorist on the #1 train?

I considered my choices:

A) Stand up and scream: "Terrorist!"

B) Unassumedly get up and sneak to the other end of the car.

C) Hop off the train at the next stop.

D) Point him out to other subway riders and enlist their help to tackle him and get him arrested.

Then I kept reading AM New York.

From Fierce to Bland

Is this what Amy has to look forward to?

Grammy Thoughts

Tina, why?

You're the best. (Well, OK, there's Aretha, but she can't dance.)
Let us remember you at your best, not attempting to jump around on the stage with that be-wigged Beyonce whose thighs could stop a speeding tractor trailer.

And GF, it must be said: Buy some Dim'rs. No one needs to see 69-year-old nipples. No. one.

Good Times and Bad

When the NYT started publishing articles about Britney Spears on its front page back in 2004, I lost all respect for The Old Gray Lady. But considering Britney's recent troubles, I'll admit maybe they were prescient. I still read it, mainly for the Arts section, because seriously, what other options are there?

Today's 'Arts, Briefly' section:

A bathing suit that Nicole Kidman left ("abandoned"!!) at a swimming pool in Sweden is being used to raise money to buy cows for poor families in India.

Norman Mailer Shot the Wad

"Norman Mailer left the majority of his estimated $2.5 million estate to a private trust set up to take care of his widow and children."

Only $2.5 million?

Maybe it was the 9 kids.

Or six wives.

The Only Reason to Watch Football

Who's the Old Dude With the Ascot in the Half-time Show?

You know at least half of America asked, "Who the hell is that old dude in the Cuban heels and polka dot ascot lip synching the half-time show?"

Does anyone under 30 know who Tom Petty is? Isn't he like 100?

Today in Street Walking

Jessica Simpson passed me on Washington Street around noon today on her way to a Fashion Week event. At least I think it was Jessica, but her mouth was shut. If she had been about a foot taller, I would have guessed she was a trannie hooker.
UPDATE: All right, fine. She wasn't in NYC this weekend. It was too tall to be an Olsen, too attractive to be Chloe Sevigny, and too young and short to be Gwyneth. Must have been a trannie hooker after all.

Two blocks away, a bloated-looking Oliver Stone strolled along with another man.

The PETA people were outside the Donna Karan event holding "Bunny Butcher" signs. Has Barbra Streisand's best friend gone down market? You'd think Ms. K would butcher more expensive animals than bunnies.

Happy Ending for Sarkozy

French President Nicolas Sarkozy married former model Carla Bruni today, embracing the latest craze among world leaders:


Thinking with your dick.


Hmm . . . Hillary?

-isms in the NYT

Today boys and girls, we're going to learn about racism AND sexism:

Alessandra Stanley in today's NY Times:
". . . Mr. Obama in a shiny lavender tie, and Mrs. Clinton in an adobe brown pantsuit with turquoise jewelry."

Tomorrow's paper: "A suit-wearing Barney Fife escorts Thelma Lou, pretty in a pink ruffled pantsuit and matching rose quartz earrings, to the church pot luck."

Baldwinapalooza

Last night, dueling Baldwins took to the airwaves in overlapping time slots:

Stephen, born-again Baldwin, on Celebrity Apprentice

v.

Daniel, douchebag Baldwin, on Celebrity Rehab

How proud is big brother Alec?

Daily Rehab

Who can keep up?

Eva Mendes, Cirque Lodge, substance abuse

Justin Chambers, UCLA Psych Ward, "sleep disorder"